What am I doing!?

" Are you scared?" I asked my brother, as we crawled across the Federal Highway towards KL Sentral. [urgh! bloody jam kay~ ARGH!! (can still feel that 2 hour frustration after 2 days!)]
" EYa..." he mumbled, then continued complaining, "HURRY UP LA jie~! Overtake la!! Faster la!!! After miss the train then how!?" [wth... as if my car can squeeze pass the lorry and bus which were already kissing ass infront of me!!!]
btw...[back to topic]
He is scared: It is the first time he goes beyond Malaysian borders (eventhough it's just Singapore) without our parents... [and maybe he don't trust me enough to feel secure =.=' ]
I am scared TOO: Not because of going, BUT of the PURPOSE we were going!

I can't believe what a FREAK I was!
WTH! I was going to run 21.1km in the friggin' Std. Chartered S'pore (*puke*!) MARATHON!!! [fainting as she speaks]
21.1km wouldn't had been a big deal IF (note: punctuation on "IF"), if I hadn't stop training since May [7 MONTHS!!!!!!]!!!!!!!!
The last time I ran a 20km was February, and was supposed to run another 20km (KL International Marathon) before my friggin' finger broke before college orientation (but didn't to prevent any friggin' infection)... and THATS ALL for the past friggin' YEAR!
I wouldn't be freaking out as much if I was SMART enough to register the 10km back on March ["WTH WAS I THINKING!!?????"]
HOw in the WORLD am I gonna hop back into a half-marathon after so many months not running at all!?

This is pure-friggin'-INSANITY!!!!!

[Just a re-cap...(Q) Why hadn't I been running these 7 months? (A) 1st: I CAN'T SEEM TO WAKE UP EARLY enough to jog in the morning (as I used to) nowadays!! 2nd: the usual excuse... LAZY & BUSY. ]

5 Dec (Friday nite):
ALL the crazy imaginations start flooding on the way down South...
[btw, the KTM to S'pore sux- fat points deducted for punctuality & hygiene & ergonomics (can I sue for backaches?), & can the civilised ppl bother closing the door after they enter or exit?? & maybe the gov. would bother making the train sound & shake proof!?]
... maybe I'd faint half-way thru'...maybe I'd end up the last or miss the qualifying time... maybe I'd get muscle cramps...maybe....maybe I couldn't make it......

Why in the world...? 21km [nothing compared to 42.2km or the ultra-marathon's 72km ('eeep!'), but still, for stupid amateurs like me...]? Had started 21km since last year... wanted to improve my race-time (my previous record of 21.1k was 02:27:04.. it was okay for a beginner- not okay for a seasoned runner), wanted to challenged my stamina.....and I ended up stressing myself out now.
What to do? I guess I am just gonna take it REALLY EASY this round (as in WALK WHEN I NEED TO).

6 Dec (Sat):
S'pore Exhibition Centre
what gave me the chills wasn't the building scale (all the double volume spaces magnified by ruggedness/emptiness of the spaces) and the aerobatic steel structures overhead - but all the runners carrying blue gym bags (not to mentioned their athletic build)! [My Burger King seemed tasteless - not because of the stupid FLU i had been having since tuesday but the PEOPLE all around the place!]

7 Dec 2008 (Sunday), 4.30am:
[hit the snooz button of my handphone alarm for the gazillionth time, woke finally no thanks to the morning call]
I resigned: FINE!! I am gonna go!

6.15am:
It was dizzying~ 50,000 participants!!! imagine seeing waves of energetic-looking people in vest & shorts converging towards the Esplanade under the dim street lights and underpasses. For the half-marathon category itself, the queue stretched at least 1000 x 10metres from the Starting Point...
[btw(again)...the Singapore Flyer looks dazzling at this hour- violet lights against golden blue sky!! I wish I brought my camera... >.< ]
the rest is history [lazy to bore you with details of my LOUSY run..or rather, walk]. Ending point: the Padang (muddy, very! tempted but can't sit on the grass), sludged all the way to the Japanese War Memorial to collect my bag, refill on 100+ ...blablah.
I didn't feel the endophins! (okay~ I wasn't running, so what to expect?)

Well, at least I finished 21.1 km- no matter how I did it XP

...urm, so I came home this morning? er...no idea how to end this gradually boring post.

I still can't believe what a FREAK I was!!